Avoidance. It seems to be a recurring theme in my life. Where did things change for me? When did I stop thriving on confrontation and chaos? I’ve noticed it more and more lately that rather than face the things that are making me uncomfortable, angry , sad, whatever…I am running from them. Well, more like pretending they don’t even exist.
I think it all started when I began to really value myself, and my feelings. I grew up a people pleaser, constantly trying to make everyone around me happy while forgetting that I needed to be happy too. This sounds wonderful right? Finally a wave of self worth hit me. Never again would I let people hurt me. Walk all over me.
Now, though, I think I’m having a hard time deciphering the difference between intentional inflicted emotional pain by others, and their own want/need for confrontation. I finally feel what the other side felt. Leave me alone, I don’t want to talk about it!
The things I’m avoiding are unfinished, up in the air, pending. The longer I wait to face them, the harder it gets. The harder it gets, the less and less likely I am to put any effort into resolving them. I think it’s time I face the things I don’t want to, give them the closure they deserve and move on. Because pretending that the weight of an avoided subject doesn’t sit cumbersomely on my shoulders is just one more thing I’m avoiding.
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